I’m a different person.
This is a different blog now.
We evolve and we grow and we figure things out along the way. When I started sharing parts of my life online five years ago, I was still grappling with who I was and learning to accept what I discovered.
At the time I was writing my memoir. When it was close to finished and I even had a publisher waiting for it, something in me held back. I began to question what I really wanted to create and what would make me proud. If that book had gone to print I would forever be “that bipolar girl” who wrote a memoir. Questions in radio interviews would have been about being sick, what I thought about being a mental health advocate, and how I hoped my book would help others. How it helped me heal. And I realised that although I find those things incredibly important, that isn’t me.
My identity is not in my diagnosis. My identity is held rather tightly in the fist of being an artist. I say fist because it is something that I have had to fight for. Something I needed to believe in when nobody else did.
I create art through writing and the worlds I build through that work.
If I ever get to do interviews or book launches I don’t want to sit there talking about bipolar disorder. I want to talk about the characters in my novels and about metaphors and writing style and meaning. I want to talk about other authors and books that influenced my work and the crazy research I did and the fascinating things I discovered. I want to talk about the creative process and how the book was made partly through hard work and mostly through magic. I want to ask other authors about what they do and how they do it. I want to take writing apart and put it back together again.
And then it dawned on me…if that is what I want to be speaking about…then that is what I need to blog about.
I have no idea who my “ideal audience” is. I don’t know who will be interested in reading this kind of thing. I am clueless about where it will lead me.
But I DO know that this is what I need to do. It is where my curiosity is ignited and where I am excited to explore. Even if nobody ever reads my blog posts, I can guarantee I will be having fun.
When I started my initial blog and website I was very anxious about followers and page hits and numbers of likes. I was obsessed with marketing algorithms and how to make my SEO spot on (which when you write in odd prose like I do is kind of impossible).
Now, quite frankly, I don’t give a fuck about any of that.
What I care about is being an artist and having a little home on the internet where I can show my work, talk about writing, and go on and on about all things bookish.
That is the work I want to attach my name to.
This incredibly cool pic is from www.storiarts.com. These are Raven writing gloves, inspired by Edgar Allan Poe. When I think about what my writing world feels like to me, this is the kind of image that comes up. See what I mean? This stuff makes me happy. Sharing it with you – gosh, that’s the shit.